I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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