she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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