Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
