Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
