i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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