and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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