Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
