i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
