I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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