I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
