I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
