Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
