we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
