Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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