turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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