I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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