We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
