I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
