My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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