i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
