I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
