Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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