Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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