i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
