im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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