The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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