All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
