his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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