I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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