You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
