Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
