I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
