did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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