Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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