Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
