I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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