My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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