I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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