guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
