Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's the barista slut.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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