apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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