jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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