Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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