Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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