You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
