If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
