if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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