Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
