what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
not ubering you a puppy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
