He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
