Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
